New Year...

It is that time of the year when people think about the year that has gone by and the New Year which is about to begin. For most of us it is a time when we reevaluate our life, count our blessings, make resolutions, etc.
2010 for me has been wonderful. I started working, my very first job in America - the land of opportunities. This year has also been very good to me health-wise - no major concerns....my diabetes is in control and I have also managed to shed a few pounds. In terms of Spiritual growth, there is still a long way to go. I continue to believe in a Power above me ( I call it Shirdi Sai Baba ).
I am reminded of the traditional vest worn by Parsis called a 'Sadreh'. The Sadreh is made of muslin with a tiny pocket in the front. This is the pocket of good deeds and reminds you to offer your good deeds to God. It is only an inch in size to suggest that we should not be too proud because all our good deeds are small compared to the goodness of God. The reason I am writing about the Sadreh is that I hope we evaluate our life, count our blessings, do good deeds every day and not just think about it every New Year.
I hope 2011 brings good health, strength to overcome anything, peace of mind and harmony and anything else you may wish for.
May peace be with you all.

Personal Struggle

After a lot of thought, I finally decided to write about something very personal. As I type this I still feel very apprehensive if I should be putting this story out there for the world to see.
This year I will be completing 7 years of marriage and 5 of those years have been spent trying to start a family with no luck. I turned 30 last December and as my birthday approached I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It took me a while to realise that this feeling had nothing to do with my age or growing older or having more lines on my face. It finally dawned on me that I felt this way because I still haven't had any luck in the baby Department.
Whenever I open my Facebook page and see in the newsfeed that a friend has updated his/hers baby's latest photos or receive an email from an old friend that she is going to be a mother for the 2nd time, I immediately type a simple Congratulations note and as I type this Congratulatory note I do not feel jealousy. I think to myself when will it be my time.
As I am typing now I have a lump in my throat and am wondering if I should continue.....In December 2006 I decided to consult a doctor. After doing a series of tests, I found out I had PCOS ( Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome ) and also an underactive thyroid ( Hypo-thyroidism ). As I did not have anyone who could advice me, I went ahead with Fertility treatment. The hospital I went to did not have an individualised treatment programme and the chief doctor did not take any time to explain to me in detail about the treatment. After several scans, hormonal injections I started my 1st cycle of IVF. The hormonal injections triggered OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome). They extracted 32 eggs from my ovaries and in the lab 9 embryos were formed. The Embryo Transfer (ET) could not be performed in the same cycle because of my OHSS and they had to wait till my ovaries reduced to their normal size. During this time I was hospitalized for 11 days. The 9 embryos were frozen.
Apart from going through this treatment which made me very emotional, I also had to deal with other issues at home. My father-in-law had a paralytic stroke and my husband and me went through a rough patch in our marriage. In August 2007, I underwent Frozen Embryo Transfer. The Embryos are placed directly in the uterus and then I was given more hormonal pills to support the pregnancy, 13 days later I found out that it was a failure. I had to start again.
In October 2007, I underwent the 2nd Frozen Embryo Transfer. This time I was lucky. I took good care of my health and rested. Meanwhile I found out I had gestational Diabetes and was put on Insulin injections. On October 31st, my 4th wedding anniversary I started bleeding. I called the hospital and they asked me to be on bed-rest. On November 1st 2007 after having lunch I started bleeding again. I panicked. I called my husband at work and he said he'll be home soon. Meanwhile I called the hospital and they asked me to get to the hospital as soon as I can. A neighbour of mine who is a good friend helped me get ready to go to the hospital.
At the hospital they gave me an injection to stop bleeding and instructed me that i have to stay in the hospital for 5 days of bed-rest. I should not sit up even to eat.
My husband informed my dad in bangalore who came to offer us his help and moral support. For 4 days I was in bed lying down.In me 2nd or 3rd day at the hospital, they did a scan and showed us the fetal heartbeat. I was overjoyed. On the 5th day, my husband decided to visit his parents in their hometown. My dad was in the hospital with me. In the evening, I started bleeding again. I was given another injection to stop the bleeding. My husband was on his way back to Chennai. my dad went home to rest that night as my husband came back. Early in the morning I started bleeding heavily. The nurses came to check on me and cleaned me up. In the morning when I saw the doctor, I broke down and she shouted at me for being pessimistic. The next day I was taken in for another scan. This time there was nothing on the monitor. My husband and me broke down. I went back to my room as I was told that the uterus had to be surgically cleaned and the contents had to be sent for testing. It was devastating. The same afternoon I went into surgery for the clean-up. My husband was sent with the contents to give it for testing. The next day I went home. I was distraught.
Today, 3 years later I am still childless. When I go out and see people with their kids, I smile but when I come home to an empty house I know what I am missing. I see my husband's face light up when he sees a little kid playing in the park. We have given ourselves 2 years time and if I don't conceive naturally by then we will adopt.
To all those parents, I wish to say Cherish every moment with your child. Switch off the TV and talk to your kids. Don't put a pacifier in your baby's mouth. Your child does not need it. Speak to your child and see how fast your child develops language. Do not put your child in a stroller. Hold his/her hand and walk. Do remember that your child's personality is created between birth and age 6.

Choices

How many of us have been pressurised in choosing our course in college ?? Last week I got to meet one of my husband's colleagues. This guy recently quit his job and is going back to school and following his dreams. After having worked in the IT field for 7 years, he has now quit his job and is going to study to become a Perfusionist ( a trained health professional who operates the heart-lung machine during cardiac surgery ). I was asking him the reason behind his decision and he went on to tell me that at that time he chose Engineering because of circumstances and financial reasons. He also mentioned that another colleague tried to talk him out of it and said that the IT field is the best.
This has got me thinking about the kind of pressure parents put on children, the status quo attached to having an Engineer Son/Daughter or a Doctor Son/Daughter. Not to mention the amount of dowry certain communities collect for their "Professional" son. it is sad to see that parents impose their dreams on their children and then say "I don't want my children to struggle the way I did" or "We never had these opportunities, that is why I want my children to have them".
I even asked my husband if he chose to do Engineering on his own but he didn't really give me a straight answer. Luckily in my family there was no such pressure. My brother is in Banking, I am a Montessori teacher and my sister is a journalist. Of course with my brother and me I think our career choices were circumstantial. Eventhough I came into Montessori accidentally I absolutely love it and am very passionate about education. Children have an amazing amount of potential. They should be given the freedom to choose what they want to study.
IT (Information Technology) is not everything. The world needs teachers, lawyers, researchers, politicians, dancers, artists, etc. Parents need to encourage children to think independently and support them in their choice of career.
Mr.M, I applaud your decision and wish you the very best for your future. I wish more people gathered the courage to follow their dreams.

New Year Resolutions

You must be wondering why there is a post about New Year Resolutions when we are almost at the end of May. Well, I am struggling to follow my resolution which is to exercise regularly. I walk regularly but there are days when I am too lazy to get out of the house. My husband has been pushing me to join the gym but I keep telling him I'll save him some dough and devise my own exercise plan.
So after taking a few hints from my husband I am trying this. Now I have got myself a Log Book and have started logging into it the amount of time I spend each day exercising. For those of you reading this who are struggling to follow their New Year Resolutions or have completely forgotten what the resolution was..do leave a comment.

Reading

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. I read 'Oprah' by Kitty Kelley. I have watched the Oprah show for many years now and was often inspired by the work the media magnate does on the show. Reading this biography was quite an eye-opener. Here is a woman who cannot commit telling the whole world to Live their Best Life.She is not married nor does she have a family but her shows give relationship advice and tips on raising your child. After reading the book, I was wondering here is this woman who interviews people, celebrities and never shies away from asking all the questions but she refuses to divulge who her real father is.Anyways, I still watch the show but don't feel the same way.
The book I am currently reading is 'The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks' by Rebecca Skloot. This book is amazing. It is the story of Henrietta Lacks whose cells were taken without her or her family's consent. These cells called HeLa cells have been multiplied in a lab and have been used in research. well, you might be thinking thats a good thing....yes and no. Henrietta's cells have been used to find vaccines for Polio and other diseases...vaccines we are benefiting from...here comes the shocking part...Henrietta was a black woman. She was confined to a 'coloured' ward. her family did not know that these cells were taken from her body & used for research. The Hela cells were sold for $ 25-50 per vial. Her family cannot even afford to go to the doctor and they were not compensated for the cells that were taken. This book is a true story..so if you like non-fiction this is a must read. Happy reading !!!

Adoption

Adoption has been on my mind for a while now....been reading about it online. It is a big step and am scared to do it. my husband and me encountered a man at the Doctor's office. This man had 2 babies in his hand and they definitely did not look like twins. He was also accompanied by an older girl who must have been 8 or 9 years of age..There were many people staring at this man because he was struggling to manage the 2 babies in his hand. After a while someone asked him how old the babies were and he said 1 was 4 1/2 months old and the other was 9 months old. I was thinking to myself how this was possible when the guy asked him the same question that was on my mind. The 9 month old was adopted and the 4 1/2 month old was born the traditional way. Seeing them that day was my AHA moment. Even though it changed the way i think, am still not sure if I will do it.
At a time when I have been seriously thinking about adoption, there was a story in the news about an American couple who adopted a boy from Russia and then rejected him because he was too violent. They sent the boy back to Russia alone with a note attached to his backpack. The boy was only 7 years old. What must have he felt flying back all alone ?? The news channel went on to say that the couple should have gone for counselling before sending the boy back. It also mentioned that this was quite common. ( http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/09/us.russian.adoption.return/index.html )
The channel continued this piece saying there was a ranch in Montana which dealth with violent adopted children. The children had to stay in the ranch (http://www.ranchforkids.org/ ) and go through treatment. The cost of this was U.S $ 3500/- per month per child. Parents send their adopted children who maybe violent or show signs of aggressive behaviour to this place. I was appalled looking at this.
Why adopt when you are not ready to handle it ??

social networking...

This morning on the news I heard this - Thieves robbed a house after seeing a Facebook post that the homeowner is going to be out for the evening. The robbery was captured on camera and when the homeowner showed it to her friend, the friend recognised the robber to be one of their Facebook friends whom they had not seen in 20 years.
Of late, there have been too many incidents where people post too much information. Be careful about what you post. It might come back to haunt you later. We have created virtual identities and put our best pics for other people to see. Recently a friend of mine said to me " Oh my God, you have 'X' # of friends ". It made me realise how the world has changed. People judge us by the number of friends we have or by how active we are on these networking sites. I used to play farmville ( yes, i admit) I was obsessed with playing this game and one fine day I just stopped. Thank God I did. Now I am more productive in my free time. I have reconnected more with old friends. Anyways, this piece is just meant to make more people aware about protecting their online identities.

weekend

On Saturday, March 20th, 2010 we visited the Orchid Show at the New York Botanical Garden. After a really long train ride on the 'D' train we got off at the Bedford Park Blvd station and walked another 10 mins to reach the Botanical Garden. The weather was really nice. It was the 1st day of spring. We decided to see the Orchid Show first and when we reached the Conservatory there was a really long line. We stood in the line for 30-45 mins ad finally got in. The theme was "Cuba in Flower". The flowers were beautiful. They even had a desert plants section. I think we spent more than an hour inside. I'll post some of the pics soon. I was so hungry by the time we came out. There is a cafe inside the Garden where we had French Fries and some juice before we started our long commute back home.

Food

Yesterday I watched Jamie Oliver's new reality series called 'Food Revolution '. what Jamie is trying to do is change the way people eat especially kids....it was really interesting to watch as public schools in America feed their students Pizza, Chicken nuggets, flavoured milk, etc. in other words JUNK.....I am so glad someone thought of this....I personally know lots of people who feed their kids the same things....When I was teaching in a school in India, I witnessed the same thing....children would bring for lunch chapathi with sugar or jam, bread with jam, pasta.....just sugar & refined flour....no vegetables at all. Can you imagine handling 30 kids in a classroom on a sugar high ?? Parents need to make time for preparing healthy, nutritious meals for their children. When the child is young, it is important to instil in them the importance of healthy eating.
I recently saw a young girl who could not have been more than 6-7 years old guzzling down a can of Red Bull, the energy drink. Why does a young child need a energy drink ?? Red Bull contains 80 mg Caffeine per can. Children naturally have a lot of energy....why give them energy drinks, sugary colas ??
I remember when I was working a parent of one of the children would send amazing food for her child. She would make upma and put them in cookie cutters of different shapes and then slightly bake them. The end product would be so interesting to look at...I wish more parents took interest in what their children put into their mouths.

Woman's Day

On March 8th when I opened my Facebook page I saw only various posts wishing all women Happy Woman's Day....the same week I read an article in TIME magazine that female American soldiers did not drink water after 7 pm to avoid going to the bathroom in the night....further reading led me to understand why....female soldiers are often raped by their male counterparts when they went to the bathroom at night or went out for a smoke....it was absolutely shocking to read this...if these women reported the assault they might be demoted...it was the end of their careers. A female soldier in Iraq is more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire. I just could not believe this kind of thing would happen in a developed country and that they were sweeping it under the carpet...the following week Kathryn Bigelow became the first woman in the world to win the Oscar for Best Director....for every 10 steps we take forward looks like we fall back 5 steps...I really don't see the point of celebrating International Woman's Day.

Sisterhood..

Sisters have a very unique bond....and it lasts forever...we'll share clothes, footwear, make-up, handbags, advice..we'll argue and then not talk to each other for weeks and suddenly we'll makeup and pick-up where we left off.
I guess for women the same can be said for our friendships....we develop a sisterly bond with our women friends..but when there is the slightest hint of back-biting, bitching, etc...that relationship is gone forever..when it is your own sister that never happens. I think of everyone I know who has sisters and I know they all share an amazing relationship with their sisters.
when i was younger i used to think that the age difference between my sister and me was too much..7 years ( that is a lot ) I have combed her hair, packed her lunch for school, dropped her off and picked her up from school, seen her pass through adolescence and now she's a grown woman. Now the age difference doesn't seem too much. Now there are times when she advises me and i think to myself...wooww..this is the little girl I have spoon-fed(literally) when we were in school. My sis and I have seen some highs and lows in our lives and have seen each other through all of it. I must mention at this point that I have an older brother. My relationship with him is different. I see him as this big brother who is protective and possessive of his sisters. Also with brothers the emotional connection is less coz men don't like to talk about their feelings. anyways, thats a whole different topic altogether.
My relationship with my sister has grown over the years and I cherish this relationship all the more now.